Shame Spiral

Penis theft panic hits city..

2008-04-23T16:26:00.001-05:00

KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men's penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumors of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

Woman acquitted of illegal poop use

2007-05-24T12:12:00.000-05:00

A former Democratic Party activist who left dog feces on the doorstep of U.S. Rep. Marilyn Musgrave's Greeley office during last year's 4th Congressional District campaign was found not guilty Wednesday of criminal use of a noxious substance.

A Weld County jury deliberated about two hours before acquitting Kathleen Ensz of the misdemeanor count. Her trial began Tuesday.

Ensz's lawyers never denied that their client left a Musgrave campaign brochure full of feces at the front door of the congresswoman's office. But they argued that Ensz was making a statement protected by free speech - the poop was a symbol of what she thought of Musgrave's politics.

Inflatable Justice

2006-06-29T20:54:00.000-05:00

BRISTOW, Okla. - Serving on the jury in an indecent-exposure trial unfolding in this conservative Oklahoma town has been a giggle-inducing experience.

Former Judge Donald D. Thompson, a veteran of 23 years on the bench, is on trial on charges he used a penis pump on himself in the courtroom while sitting in judgment of others.

Over the past few days, the jurors have watched a defense attorney and a prosecutor pantomime masturbation. A doctor has lectured on the lengths the defendant was willing to go to enhance his sexual performance.

The white-handled sexual device sits before the jury box for hours at a time. Occasionally an attorney picks it up and squeezes the handle, demonstrating the "sh-sh" sound of air rushing through the contraption's plastic tubing.

The jurors sometimes exchange awkward looks and break into nervous laughter when the testimony takes a lurid turn.

Thompson, 59, is charged with four counts of indecent exposure, each punishable by up to 10 years in prison. If convicted, he would also have to register as a sex offender, and his $7,489.91-a-month pension would be in jeopardy.

Thompson's former court reporter, Lisa Foster, wiped away tears as she described tracing an unfamiliar "sh-sh" in the courtroom to her boss. She testified that between 2001 and 2003 she saw Thompson expose himself at least 15 times.

"I was really shocked and I was kind of scared because it was so bizarre," said Foster.

She testified that during a trial in 2002, she heard the pump during the emotional testimony of a murdered toddler's grandfather.

The grandfather "was getting real teary-eyed, and the judge was up there pumping on that pump," she said. "It was sickening."

Total Eclipse of the Car

2006-06-27T09:08:00.000-05:00

600 lbs. woman survives getting thrown through sunroof

Town N Country, Florida – A woman is in stable condition after being ejected through the sunroof of her SUV during an accident.

Thirty-seven-year-old Ruth Matthews told paramedics that another vehicle cut her off in traffic, and she took evasive action to avoid a crash. Her Isuzu Amigo rolled over and she was thrown through the sunroof and onto the roadway. Investigators say she was not wearing her seatbelt.

Paramedics initially tried to fly Matthews to Tampa General Hospital, but her weight, estimated at 600 pounds, made it impossible. Emergency crews were able to transport her to St. Joseph’s Hospital, where she is listed in stable condition.

Authorities are continuing their investigation.

Gaseous thievery.

2006-06-05T11:30:00.000-05:00

A woman was struck in the leg by a shotgun blast after she and two others were spotted early this morning siphoning gas from vehicles in the area of Freeport Boulevard in Sparks, police said.

The woman was identified as Sarina Ellis, 22, who was hit in the leg.

A man identified as Alden Noring was taken to Washoe County Jail and booked on suspicion of battery with a deadly weapon and shooting into a vehicle.

Police said Noring turned himself in to authorities after the incident, about 2:25 a.m.

Police said Ellis, along with Allen Dixon, 25, and Katrina Myrick-Davidson, 43, were siphoning gas when Noring awoke and went outside with a shotgun to confront them. Police said Noring fired at least twice.

Noring was involved in a similar shooting at 385 Freeport Blvd., in 1995, police said.

Dosing The Dew

2006-06-02T13:57:00.000-05:00

Cops: Teen understudy put Clorox in lead actress's soda

JUNE 2--A Texas teenager angling for the lead role in a school play is facing charges that she spiked a competing actress's drink with Clorox. Katherine Smith, 18, was arrested this week and hit with a felony rap for tampering with a consumer product (in this case a bottle of Mountain Dew she gave to a 15-year-old rival).

According to a Tarrant County arrest warrant, Smith was the understudy of the teen victim in a play called "Ha." By dosing the younger actress's Dew, Smith believed that she would take over the play's lead role. The warrant notes that Smith "had a lot of family coming in from out of town to see the play and watch her perform." Additionally, Smith's mother believed that her daughter was the play's main character, not an understudy for the February performances at L.D. Bell High School in Hurst.

Smith, who used an eye dropper to place bleach in the 20-ounce soda bottle, told a school administrator that she wanted to harm the lead actress "so she could not perform in the play." Smith's plot was thwarted when the girl smelled an unusual odor emanating from the Dew. Smith faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted of the spiking bid.

For old times' sake...

2006-05-29T00:35:00.000-05:00

STDs Running Rampant In Retirement Community

Sat May 27, 2:13 AM ET

Doctors said sexually transmitted diseases among senior citizens are running rampant at a popular Central Florida retirement community, according to a Local 6 News report.

A gynecologist at The Villages community near Orlando, Fla., said she treats more cases of herpes and the human papilloma virus in the retirement community than she did in the city of Miami.

"Yeah, they are very shocked (to hear the diagnosis)," gynecologist Dr. Colleen McQuade said. "I had a patient in her 80s."

Out On A Limb

2006-05-16T14:12:00.000-05:00

LONDON (AP) - He was, quite literally, out on a limb. On Tuesday, a drunken student who spent the night in a tree had to be rescued by British firefighters.

"Alcohol and climbing trees don't really mix," said Nigel Limbrick, of the Gloucestershire fire department. "In all seriousness, he could've killed himself if he had fallen.

"He had had a skinful and in his inebriated state he climbed 100 feet (30 metres) up a pine tree, without his shoes on. He then fell asleep," Limbrick said. "I'm not quite sure how he managed it, but he woke up wrapped around a branch."

A Wedding Cake Worth Dying For...

2006-04-23T16:59:00.000-05:00

RAYMOND, Ohio -- A man who was growing impatient about the cake-cutting at a wedding reception allegedly stabbed the bride's father and brother Saturday afternoon.

Eric D. Adams, the bride's stepfather, was taken into custody without incident after the stabbing at the Liberty Township Community Center, according to the Union County Sheriff's Office. The victims were in serious but stable condition at The Ohio State University Medical Center.

"It was beautiful until something happened in the parking lot, and my dad and my brother got stabbed four or five times each," said Lisa Siders, a relative.

"I came running out and saw my dad, and blood was dripping everywhere," said Jessica Diamond.

After the stabbing, investigators said, Adams, 36, of Plain City, allegedly rammed his car to get out of the community center's parking lot. He drove through grass and away from the reception.

A sheriff's deputy at the scene saw the car leave the community center and stopped Adams, investigators said. Adams' wife, who is the bride's mother, and an 8-year-old granddaughter were also in the car, Tate reported.

Now THAT is codependent.

2006-04-20T08:08:00.000-05:00

Woman Allegedly Smuggles Grenade Into Jail

© 2006 The Associated Press

SAN SALVADOR, El Salvador — A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said Wednesday.

Officials subsequently raised the security level at jails across the country, prison system spokesman Alberto Uribe said, adding the discovery showed "the inmates are planning something."

Lidia Alvarado, 44, was found hiding a cylinder containing the weapon and the drugs, as she entered La Esperanza prison on the northeastern outskirts of the capital of San Salvador, Uribe said.

She was turned over to police and charged with illegal weapons possession and drug trafficking, he said. Police who inspected the M-67 grenade said it was in working condition.

Easter Bunny Bounce...

2006-04-18T11:26:00.000-05:00

APRIL 17--A Florida mall dispute ended Saturday night with the arrest of the Easter Bunny on battery charges. The rambunctious rabbit (aka Arthur McClure, 22) was nabbed after he allegedly struck a mall visitor who beefed about the early closure of a photo line on which kids and parents waited for a snapshot with the cuddly character.

According to Fort Myers Police Department reports, patron Erin Johansson complained to the Easter Bunny's assistant (Crystal Frechette, 25) and the two women began to argue. That's when Frechette (who's married to McClure) allegedly punched Johansson in the face. At that point, the report notes, the 280-pound McClure removed his costume's head and joined the fray, clocking Johansson in the back of her head.

McClure and Frechette, pictured below in Lee County Sheriff's Office mug shots, were each charged with two misdemeanors for their alleged roles in the brawl. McClure's occupation is listed as "Easter Bunny" on the arrest report, which also notes that he has a bear head tattooed on his right arm.

I Think I'm Gonna Call in Dead

2006-04-12T22:13:00.000-05:00

TACOMA, Wash. — Everybody’s had days when they felt bad enough to call in sick to work. But a particularly devious Iowa couple took it one step further. Since they couldn’t necessarily call themselves in dead, they killed their “son” instead.

The fictional fiasco started in December, when James Snyder and Mary Jo Jensen began telling their employer that their son was very ill and they couldn’t come to work, the Associated Press reports. But they technically didn’t even have a son.

Snyder, Jensen’s boyfriend, claimed that Jensen’s kid from a previous relationship was actually his own, so when the sort-of-son fell ill, the pair had to skip out on work to tend to him together.

Police say the pair told their employer that the boy, after struggling on life support, died at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., so they submitted an obituary to the Waterloo-Cedar Falls Courier to back their story up.

Only problem was, the kid was spotted chowing down at an area restaurant after his obituary ran — looking pretty good for a dead guy.Police caught on, and Snyder was charged with tampering with records. Jensen was charged with being an accessory after the fact.

Records show the son told police about the pair’s plan.

Panty Party Gets Prison

2006-04-10T12:45:00.000-05:00

MENOMONIE, Wis. - A 25-year-old man convicted of stealing hundreds of pairs of underwear was sentenced on Friday to one year in jail for his second conviction of stealing panties.

Scholfield had been accused of stealing three pair of thong underwear from a woman last summer. He allegedly broke into the woman's home while she was out of town and stole what the woman described as "very distinctive-looking" underwear.

Bowling for Trash Cans...

2006-04-08T08:54:00.000-05:00

The first video shame spiral. We followed these fellows out of the bowling alley. They couldn't get enough of knocking down pins. Taken from my cellphone camera. Guard your volume. ;)

Youth Pastor Smites; Student Can't Dodge His "Balls"

2006-04-07T08:02:00.000-05:00

LIBERTY, Missouri (AP) -- A youth minister was charged with assault for allegedly knocking down a 16-year-old boy and kicking him in the groin after taking a head shot from the teen in a dodgeball game.

David M. Boudreaux, 27, was charged Wednesday with one count of third-degree assault. According to court documents, the incident happened in February at Crescent Lake Christian Academy. Authorities said the teen missed Boudreaux with one throw but then knocked the youth minister's glasses off with the next.

The boy apologized, authorities said, but Boudreaux pushed him backward, and when the teen got up again Boudreaux kicked him in the groin and left.

The teen suffered whiplash and post-concussion syndrome and had blood in his urine after being kicked, according to court records. Boudreaux later apologized, prosecutors said. Jeanne D. Hewitt, administrator of Crescent Lake Christian Academy, said Boudreaux had been placed on administrative leave.

From the shame team...

2006-03-31T14:54:00.000-06:00

If you look around we've changed some things. Ok, just one thing. The grass obscuring the view of our speedoed mascot has been trimmed up a bit, unlike his chest. Much more shameful.

Team Shame

Rice admits "thousands" of errors in Iraq

2006-03-31T10:48:00.000-06:00

BLACKBURN (Reuters) - U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice accepted on Friday the United States had probably made thousands of errors in Iraq but defended the overall strategy of removing Saddam Hussein.

"Yes, I know we have made tactical errors, thousands of them," she said in answer to a question over whether lessons had been learned since the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003.

Big & Tasty & Expensive...

2006-03-30T16:48:00.000-06:00

PALMDALE, Calif. - Four burgers at his neighborhood Burger King cost George Beane a whopping $4,334.33.

Beane ordered two Whopper Jr.s and two Rodeo cheeseburgers when he pulled up to the drive-through window last Tuesday. The cashier, however, forgot that she'd entered the $4.33 charge on his debit card and punched in the numbers again without erasing the original ones — thus creating a four-figure bill.

The electronic charge went through to George and Pat Beane's Bank of America checking account and left the couple penniless.

Husbands gone wild...

2006-03-30T14:13:00.000-06:00

(3/29/06) - James Wilson has been camping out on the roof of his home and calling himself "not only the CEO and director of the National Association of Desperate Husbands," but "also a card-carrying member." So what will it take to get the 33-year-old independent marketing consultant from Redford, Mich., to come back down?

"Well, it is going to take for my wife to finally give in and remove the children from our bedroom, put them in their rightful places, in their own bedroom," he said.

James Wilson and his wife, Valentina, have a 3-month-old daughter, Jayla, and a 2-year-old son, James III. Valentina Wilson says the children will remain sleeping in the marital bed for now.

"Wait until my daughter gets older and he can get the bedroom back to just us," she said.

James Wilson, who has been chronicling his woes on his website www.husbandonstrike.com, says the children are causing an intimacy issue, but his wife says that's not the case.

"We get all the intimacy we need, you know," Valentina Wilson said.

Valentina Wilson said she was prepared to let James stay up on the roof because she was confident that he would return home on his own.

"I think he will come around," she said. "It will get cold up there. He will miss us and will get hungry. He will come back home."

Man's toddler son wanders into strip club

2006-03-26T16:38:00.000-06:00

TULSA, Okla. - A Kansas man was arrested at a Tulsa strip club after police say his toddler son wandered from an unlocked car into the club over the weekend.

The toddler told police that his father told him to stay in the car, and that if he left it, "monsters would eat him," reports indicate.

A manager at the club had called police to report that about 30 minutes after Killion entered the club, a 3- to 4-year-old boy came inside looking for his father.

Oh...the Humanity!!!!

2006-03-24T21:05:00.000-06:00

Robert Schuler defending his multi-million dollar “crystal cathedral.”

“We are trying to make a big, beautiful impression upon the affluent non-religious Americans who are riding by on this busy freeway. Its obvious that we are not trying to impress Christians!{…} Nor are we trying to impress the social workers in the County Welfare Department. They would tell us that we ought to be content to remain in the Orange Drive-In Theatre and give the money to feed the poor. But suppose we had given this money to feed the poor? What would we have today? We would still have hungry, poor people and God would not have this tremendous base of operations which He is using to inspire people to become more successful, more affluent, more generous, more genuinely unselfish in their giving of themselves.”

Bottomed Out

2006-03-24T15:07:00.000-06:00

Man makes 3 photocopies of his buttocks

CLAYTON, Mo. — Police arrested a man who allegedly dropped his pants in the crowded lobby of the St. Louis County Courthouse and made photocopies of his buttocks. Police found Daniel Everett holding two copies he had already made. He was making a third. ''What did I do? What did I do?'' witnesses said Everett asked police. Everett, an immature 38, told police that the copies were intended as a practical joke for his girlfriend.

Have Baby, Won't Travel

2006-03-24T14:41:00.000-06:00

Caught the train — but where’s the baby?
By MICHAEL W. KAHN - Associated Press

WASHINGTON (AP) — Commuters racing to catch the train typically forget things in the car — keys, wallets, briefcases. But a baby daughter?

“Dad forgot baby was in the car, parked the car, got on the Metro,” said Lucille Baur, a spokeswoman for the Montgomery County, Md., Police Department.

“I don’t know exactly when he got the memory flash, but he was in D.C. when it was the horrible defining moment, ‘Oh my goodness, I think I’ve left my child back in my car,”’ Baur said.

From the dept. of classic spirals...

2006-03-24T14:20:00.000-06:00

ORLANDO, Fla. -- An agent with the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency was been suspended after video surfaced showing the man shooting himself during a gun safety class in front of a group of Orlando fourth-graders, according to Local 6 News.

An investigation has been launched to determine who leaked the home video of the undercover DEA agent shooting himself at an event sponsored by the Orlando Minority Youth Golf Association.

Before the shooting, the agent was videotaped talking about how certain weapons are popular with rap artists.

"This is a Glock 40," the agent said on the tape. "Fifty Cent, Too Short, all of them talk about a Glock 40, OK?," he said. "I'm the only one in this room professional enough that I know of to carry this Glock 40."

Seconds later, the agent shot himself in the foot.

When Irish Eyes Aren't Smiling...

2006-03-23T17:23:00.000-06:00

ST.PAT'S WHIZZER PICKS WRONG POTTY
Army captain relieved self into police car gas tank

MARCH 20--Meet Edward Cuebas. The 31-year-old Georgia man was arrested Friday afternoon for urinating in the gas tank of a marked Savannah police car during the city's rollicking St. Patrick's Day celebration. That's right, Cuebas, an Army captain, tried to top off the tank of a marked cruiser from the Savannah-Chatham Metropolitan Police, according to the below incident report. When officers in a second vehicle spotted Cuebas pressed against the patrol car, they called him over to their car. He responded by running away, while "simultaneously placing his penis back in his pants."

Two creams, no sugar...

2006-03-22T17:16:00.000-06:00

SENATOR ACCUSED OF HARASSMENT
3/22/2006 8:00 PM
Capital News 9 Web Staff

A New York State Senator is accused of harassing a staffer in her Albany office.

According to the Albany Times Union, Queens Democrat Ada Smith allegedly threw coffee in the staffers face, and pulled her hair.

New York State Police have confirmed that there is investigation into the allegations. Since it is an on-going investigation he could not comment or release any details.